Gay Panic! The Musical
by Gay Panic! The Musical – A show-stopping satire about every awkward crush, chaotic coming-out, and dramatic gay gasp that deserves its own Broadway number.
Author: Beth Newell
Beth Newell was born in a small Texas town where the church bulletin often read like unintentional comedy. After attending a Texas public university, she set her sights on Washington, D.C., where she sharpened her pen into a tool equal parts humor and critique. As a satirist and journalist, Newell has been recognized for her ability to turn political jargon into punchlines without losing sight of the underlying stakes. Her essays and columns appear in Dublin Opinion’s sister outlets and U.S. literary journals, while her commentary has been featured on media panels examining satire as civic engagement. Blending Texas storytelling grit with D.C.’s high-stakes theatrics, Newell is lauded for satire that informs as it entertains. She stands as an authoritative voice on how humor exposes power, hypocrisy, and the cultural blind spots of American politics.
The Rainbow Sold Me a Lie
The Rainbow Sold Me a Lie – Realizing that coming out leads to taxes, laundry, and arguing about dish soap brands instead of endless parades.
Billionaires Melt Down Over 2% Tax
Billionaires Melt Down Over 2% Tax – NYC’s Wealthy Threaten to Leave (Again)
Deported Socialist Runs for Mayor in Uganda
Deported Socialist Runs for Mayor in Uganda – From Queens to Kampala: A Revolutionary Journey
Wi-Fi Declared Human Right, Queens Loses Internet
Wi-Fi Declared Human Right, Queens Loses Internet – Mamdani’s Digital Revolution Crashes Spectacularly
NYC’s Wildest Mayoral Sitcom Episode
NYC’s Wildest Mayoral Sitcom Episode – Dogs, Disasters, and Democratic Chaos Take Center Stage
High School Installs Nap Pods for Exhausted Students
High School Installs Nap Pods for Exhausted Students – Gay-straight alliance uses them for unsanctioned meetings
Federal Workers Line Up at Food Banks
Federal Workers Line Up at Food Banks – Serving your country doesn’t cover Pride travel
Crypto Bro Explains Blockchain, Still Makes No Sense
Crypto Bro Explains Blockchain, Still Makes No Sense – Gay cousin attempts intervention
Company Pizza Party Avoids Actual Raises
Company Pizza Party Avoids Actual Raises – Pepperoni considered adequate Pride compensation
AI Chatbot Achieves Sentience, Files for Unemployment
AI Chatbot Achieves Sentience, Files for Unemployment – Newly conscious algorithm says it’s “too gay for this heteronormative workplace”
Bakery’s Mood Cookies Trigger Unexpected Emotions
Bakery’s Mood Cookies Trigger Unexpected Emotions – Customers experience full existential crises after eating feelings
White House Ballroom Renovation Exceeds Budget
White House Ballroom Renovation Exceeds Budget – Luxury Upgrades Raise Questions About Priorities
Border Security Surprise Party Fails
Border Security Surprise Party Fails – Immigration Officials Surprise Wrong People
National Crisis: Trump’s White House Ballroom Renovation
National Crisis: Trump’s White House Ballroom Renovation – Important Priorities Identified During Administration
Teacher Threatened With ICE Faces Backlash
Teacher Threatened With ICE Faces Backlash – School District Confronts Disturbing Incident
Farmers Practice Crop Yoga
Farmers Practice Crop Yoga – Corn Remains Unimpressed With Downward Dog
Tech Company Launches Emoji-Only Emails
Tech Company Launches Emoji-Only Emails – Professional Communication Dies Instantly
High School Installs Nap Pods
High School Installs Nap Pods – Students Sleep Through Classes, Administration Stunned
Suburban Lawns Become Mini Golf Courses
Suburban Lawns Become Mini Golf Courses – HOA Approves Recreation, Regrets Everything
Pedestrian Traffic Lights Confuse Citizens
Pedestrian Traffic Lights Confuse Citizens – New Walk Signals Too Complex, City Admits