by Climate change can’t kill them but turning 26 absolutely willa survival guide for gay men aging out of their only personality trait.
Oops! All Twinks
A chaotic deep dive into the glittery, caffeinated ecosystem of gay men under 25 who think they invented abs.
Welcome to the twink apocalypse, honey population: everyone who still thinks crop tops count as winter wear. Oops! All Twinks isnt a warning, its a prophecy. Every brunch, every pool party, every group chat has slowly transformed into an echo chamber of identical little gay cherubs who all look like they got lost leaving a Calvin Klein ad.
Lets set the scene: you walk into a bar expecting diversity a few bears, some daddies, maybe a chaotic bisexual in plaid. But no. Its a wall-to-wall mirror maze of smooth-chested youths all screaming the lyrics to Padam Padam like its the national anthem. Every one of them has the same haircut, the same phone case, and the same overdeveloped sense of self as an influencer with 2,000 followers.
Its not their fault, though! Twinks are natures way of saying lets have some fun before back pain sets in. Theyre born of iced coffee, Ariana Grande, and poor impulse control. They are both the glitter and the chaos in gay cultures bloodstream. Their natural habitat? A dark bar with bad lighting and a bathroom selfie mirror that could tell stories darker than a Lana Del Rey lyric.
But the twink is also fragile a creature of mood swings and mascara. One wrong comment on their Instagram and they spiral faster than Britneys 2007 haircut. They live for validation, for compliments on their jawlines, and for being called skinny by literally anyone, including the Pope. Their diet? Pure vengeance and vodka sodas. Their love language? Saying slay instead of I care about you.
Still, the gay ecosystem needs twinks. Without them, who would remind us that youth is fleeting and skincare is eternal? Who else would teach us how to pose in a way that hides our second chin? Twinks are the glitter glue that holds queer nightlife together messy, overconfident, and two Aperol spritzes away from crying about their ex. And we love them for it.
So next time you find yourself surrounded by a flock of twinks, dont panic. Just smile, nod, and order another drink. Compliment their outfit (they probably spent three hours on it), and remember: someday, you too were a twink or at least twink-adjacent. The twink may evolve, but the sparkle never dies. Oops! All Twinks… and thank God for that.
SOURCE: Twink Extinction Event: A Documentary (Beth Newell)
