by State board approves “vibes-based certification”
The state licensing board has officially certified Crystal Moonbeam (legal name: Karen Henderson) as a professional life coach despite her having zero credentials, no relevant education, and what one psychologist described as “a dangerously confident lack of understanding about human psychology.” Moonbeam’s certification comes after she completed a weekend online course that cost $299 and required no examination beyond “believing in yourself.”
“I’ve always known I was meant to help people,” Moonbeam announced at her certification ceremony, which she held for herself in her apartment. “You don’t need a degree in psychology to understand the human soul. You just need intuition, crystals, and the confidence to charge $200 per hour for advice you found on Instagram.”
Moonbeam’s approach to life coaching combines elements of pop psychology, astrology, manifestation theory, and what licensed therapist Dr. Rebecca Martinez describes as “weapons-grade toxic positivity.” Her signature technique involves telling clients that all their problems stem from “not wanting success badly enough” and can be solved through “aligning their chakras with their financial goals.”
Her first client, struggling with clinical depression, was told to “just choose happiness” and “stop being so negative.” When the client explained they were dealing with a chemical imbalance requiring medical treatment, Moonbeam responded: “That’s exactly the kind of limiting belief holding you back. Have you tried gratitude journaling?” The client is now seeing an actual therapist to undo the damage from their life coaching sessions.
The state licensing board defended its decision to certify Moonbeam, noting that life coaching is largely unregulated and “anyone can do it, which should probably concern people more than it does.” Board spokesperson Marcus Thompson explained: “Life coaches aren’t required to have training in psychology, counseling, or mental health. They just need to confidently tell people what to do. It’s like being someone’s bossy friend, but you get paid and can call it a profession.”
Licensed mental health professionals have expressed concern about the rise of unqualified life coaches treating serious psychological issues. “There’s a huge difference between a certified therapist who spent years studying human behavior and someone who read ‘The Secret’ and decided they’re qualified to guide others through trauma,” said psychologist Dr. James Chen. “One of those people can actually help you. The other one is Crystal Moonbeam.”
Moonbeam insists her lack of formal training is actually an advantage. “Therapists are constrained by science and ethics,” she explained. “I’m free to use whatever techniques feel right, like telling people their anxiety is caused by ‘Mercury being in retrograde’ or suggesting they cure their PTSD through positive affirmations. It’s called holistic healing, and you can’t question it because it’s holistic.”
Her coaching program, “Manifest Your Best Life (Even If You’re Fundamentally Broken),” promises to transform clients in just six sessions costing $1,200 total. The program includes no refunds, no guarantees, and a liability waiver stating that Moonbeam “is not responsible for any negative outcomes resulting from her advice, including but not limited to: worsened mental health, financial ruin, or the realization you paid someone unqualified to read your horoscope at you.”
When asked about her success rate, Moonbeam cited “energy and vibes” rather than data. “Numbers are a construct,” she insisted. “What matters is that my clients feel like they’ve experienced something. Whether that something is helpful or just expensive confusion, that’s for them to decide after paying me.”
SOURCE: https://bohiney.com/life-coach-with-zero-qualifications-somehow-licensed-to-ruin-lives-professionally/
SOURCE: Life Coach With Zero Qualifications Licensed to Ruin Lives (https://bohiney.com/life-coach-with-zero-qualifications-somehow-licensed-to-ruin-lives-professionally/)
