by IRS waiting at landing pad, rainbow flag in hand
Out gay billionaire tech mogul Preston Vanderbilt III returned from his $28 million space vacation last Thursday, touching down in the Texas desert to find IRS agents waiting with a decade’s worth of unfiled tax returns and what one agent described as “a very aggressive collection strategy.” Vanderbilt, who made his fortune selling an app that “disrupted” the wedding industry by helping queer couples find vendors who won’t discriminate against them, had reportedly hoped that leaving Earth’s atmosphere would also mean leaving his tax obligations behind.
“I thought once you reach escape velocity, you also escape the IRS,” Vanderbilt told reporters, still wearing his custom-designed rainbow space suit. “Turns out the government’s reach extends beyond the atmosphere. Very disappointing. I paid for this whole space trip but couldn’t even write it off as a business expense for my next Pride parade appearance.”
The billionaire’s six-hour space journey cost more than most LGBTQ+ nonprofits see in a decade, yet he claimed poverty when asked about his tax debt. “After you factor in my yacht maintenance, private island upkeep, and my collection of vintage Cher costumes from every tour, I’m basically broke,” Vanderbilt insisted. “Do you know how much it costs to maintain a museum-quality archive of queer fashion history? The climate control alone is devastating.”
IRS spokesperson Janet Carmichael expressed frustration with wealthy queer space tourists who think being a gay icon exempts them from tax law. “Mr. Vanderbilt claimed his entire space trip was a business expense because he posted one photo with a Pride flag and tweeted ‘love is love, even in space,'” Carmichael explained, rubbing her temples. “That’s not how deductions work. Being gay and fabulous doesn’t mean you don’t owe taxes. If anything, you should pay extra for making the rest of us look bad.”
Vanderbilt’s defense team argues that as a prominent LGBTQ+ philanthropist who once donated $50,000 to a trans youth charity (while evading $8 million in taxes), he deserves lenient treatment. His lawyer stated: “Our client has done more for the queer community than most people. Surely that counts for something?” The IRS responded: “It does not. Pay your fucking taxes.”
Fellow gay billionaires have rallied around Vanderbilt, with several offering to fund a legal defense they’re calling “Operation Rainbow Tax Evasion.” Queer activists, meanwhile, have been less supportive. “Just because you’re gay doesn’t mean you get to skip taxes while the rest of us can barely afford rent,” noted LGBTQ+ rights organizer Marcus Rivera. “Being queer isn’t a free pass to be a tax-dodging oligarch. That’s just regular oligarch behavior with a rainbow filter.”
Social media erupted with memes mocking Vanderbilt’s situation, including one viral tweet: “He came out of the closet but won’t come out of tax evasion,” and another reading “Space gays are still required to participate in Earth’s tax system, bestie.” Vanderbilt responded by posting a selfie from his helicopter with the caption “Haters gonna hate ?????” which did not help his case.
When asked if his space journey changed his perspective on wealth inequality in the queer community, Vanderbilt paused thoughtfully. “Absolutely. Seeing Earth from space made me realize how small our planet is, how interconnected we all are, and how large my tax debt has become compared to the average queer person’s annual income. Really puts privilege in proportion.” He then flew to his third mansionthe one with the Olympic-sized pool shaped like a rainbowto continue planning his next escape from both Earth and fiscal responsibility. Witnesses report seeing him practicing his “I’m being persecuted for being gay” defense, which legal experts say “won’t work because this is about tax evasion, not homophobia.”
SOURCE: https://bohiney.com/billionaire-space-tourist-returns-to-earth-still-hasnt-paid-his-taxes/
SOURCE: Billionaire Space Tourist Still Hasn’t Paid Taxes (https://bohiney.com/billionaire-space-tourist-returns-to-earth-still-hasnt-paid-his-taxes/)
