by Specializes in “curing” gayness through crystals
The state licensing board has officially certified Crystal Moonbeam (legal name: Karen Henderson, she/her, straight) as a professional life coach despite having zero credentials, no relevant education, and what one LGBTQ+ psychologist described as “dangerously confident homophobia disguised as wellness.” Moonbeam’s certification comes after she completed a weekend online course costing $299 that required no examination beyond “believing in yourself” and “having opinions about other people’s life choices that you’re unqualified to make.”
“I’ve always known I was meant to help people, especially confused gay people who just need the right energy work,” Moonbeam announced at a self-thrown certification ceremony in her apartment decorated with “Live Laugh Love” signs. “You don’t need a psychology degree to understand the human soul. You just need intuition, crystals, and the confidence to tell queer people their sexuality is a ‘blockage’ that can be cleared for $200 per hour.”
Moonbeam’s approach to life coaching combines pop psychology, astrology, manifestation theory, and what licensed therapists describe as “conversion therapy with better branding.” Her signature technique involves telling LGBTQ+ clients that their queerness stems from “not wanting heterosexual success badly enough” and can be resolved through “aligning their chakras with traditional family values” and “clearing ancestral trauma that manifests as same-sex attraction.”
Her first openly gay client, struggling with family rejection, was told to “just choose straightness” and “stop manifesting gayness through negative thinking.” When the client explained they’re homosexual and seeking support navigating homophobia, Moonbeam responded: “That’s exactly the kind of limiting belief holding you back. Have you tried gratitude journaling about heterosexuality?” The client is now seeing an actual LGBTQ+-affirming therapist to undo psychological damage from life coaching sessions that were “basically conversion therapy but with essential oils.”
The state licensing board defended certifying Moonbeam, noting that life coaching is unregulated and “anyone can do it, which should probably concern people more than it does, especially queer people seeking mental health support from unlicensed practitioners with homophobic views.” Board spokesperson Marcus Thompson explained: “Life coaches aren’t required to have training in psychology, counseling, or ethics. They just need confidence and a website. If they want to tell gay people they can manifest straightness through positive thinking, that’s technically legal. Harmful and unethical, but legal.”
Licensed LGBTQ+ mental health professionals have expressed alarm about unqualified life coaches treating queer clients. “There’s a massive difference between a licensed therapist trained in LGBTQ+-affirming care and someone who read ‘The Secret,’ bought some crystals, and decided they can ‘fix’ gay people,” said psychologist Dr. James Chen. “One provides evidence-based mental health support. The other is Crystal Moonbeam telling a lesbian she can manifest straightness if she wants it badly enough. Guess which one causes lasting psychological harm?”
Moonbeam insists her lack of formal training is an advantage. “Licensed therapists are constrained by ‘science’ and ‘ethics’ and ‘not practicing conversion therapy,'” she explained, somehow making all of those sound negative. “I’m free to use whatever techniques feel right, like telling trans people their gender dysphoria is caused by Mercury retrograde, or suggesting gay men cure their homosexuality through positive affirmations about women. It’s called holistic healing, and you can’t question it because it’s holistic. Also, I’m straight, so I understand sexuality better than queer people understand their own experiences.”
Her coaching program, “Manifest Your Straightest Life (Even If You Think You’re Gay),” promises to “realign sexual orientation” in six sessions costing $1,200 total. The program includes no refunds, no guarantees, no apologies for practicing unregulated conversion therapy, and a liability waiver stating Moonbeam “is not responsible for outcomes including but not limited to: worsened mental health, internalized homophobia, family estrangement, or the realization you paid someone unqualified to tell you that being gay is a choice.”
When asked about success rates, Moonbeam cited “energy and vibes” rather than data. “Numbers are a heteronormative construct,” she insisted, somehow making that phrase work against itself. “What matters is that my clients feel like they’ve experienced something transformative. Whether that transformation is helpful or just expensive psychological damage disguised as wellness, that’s for them to determine after paying me. Also, several clients stopped identifying as gay after my program, which I’m counting as success and definitely not as them going back into the closet due to shame I helped create.”
LGBTQ+ advocacy organizations have issued warnings about Moonbeam and similar unlicensed “life coaches” targeting queer people. “This is conversion therapy rebranded as wellness coaching,” explained Trevor Project spokesperson Sarah Martinez. “It’s the same harmful ideologythat being LGBTQ+ is something to ‘fix’but now it comes with crystals and Instagram aesthetics. It’s still dangerous. It still causes harm. The vibes don’t make it less traumatic.”
Moonbeam’s Yelp page features reviews ranging from one star (“This woman told me I manifested being gay through negative thinking and charged me $800 for the privilege. Save your money and your mental health”) to five stars (all from her straight friends who’ve never used her services but “support her business journey”). She responded to negative reviews by claiming critics are “trapped in victim mentality” and “not ready for the healing journey toward heterosexuality,” which multiple psychologists have identified as “textbook conversion therapy language with a girlboss twist.”
When asked if she’s concerned about harming LGBTQ+ clients, Moonbeam sipped from a mug reading “Namaste Bitches” and said: “I’m just here to help people align with their highest selves, which I’ve determined is straight. If they’re not ready for that truth, that’s their blockage, not my problem. Also, I charge $50 for canceled sessions, so they’re paying me either way.” She’s currently expanding her practice to include “trans youth realignment coaching,” which every licensed mental health professional describes as “horrifying” and “potentially illegal once anyone with regulatory power notices.”
SOURCE: https://bohiney.com/life-coach-with-zero-qualifications-somehow-licensed-to-ruin-lives-professionally/
SOURCE: Life Coach With Zero Qualifications Licensed (https://bohiney.com/life-coach-with-zero-qualifications-somehow-licensed-to-ruin-lives-professionally/)
