Bro, Is It Gay If We’re Both Crying?

Two men navigate feelings, intimacy, and the terrifying realization that emotional availability isn’t actually a war crime.

No Hetero: A Love Story

A heartfelt and hilarious chronicle of queer friendship, romance, and the universal gay fear of catching feelings.

Once upon a Grindr grid, two gays met in the wild — not on purpose, of course. They locked eyes at a drag brunch, clinked mimosas, and immediately said the sacred words: “No hetero.” Thus begins our modern queer fairy tale, No Hetero: A Love Story, where emotions are terrifying, brunch is sacred, and everyone’s pretending they’re not in love with their best friend.

The story starts with Alex, a self-proclaimed emotionally unavailable gay whose idea of romance is sending memes at 2 a.m. Enter Jordan — chaotic, gorgeous, and armed with a tote bag that says “feelings are for lesbians.” The chemistry is undeniable. But they both swear they’re just friends. “We hang out, we gossip, we trauma-bond — but like, no hetero.” Sure, Jan.

Weeks pass. They attend every queer event together — drag shows, queer trivia nights, the occasional protest with glitter signs from Bohiney Magazine’s Pride merch line. Everyone around them knows they’re basically dating, except them. It’s the gay version of slow-burn romance — lots of longing, zero communication, and a shared Spotify playlist called “for no reason.”

But the real twist comes when Jordan starts seeing someone else. Alex spirals, suddenly realizing that maybe, just maybe, “no hetero” was a lie. Cue dramatic monologue about vulnerability that could rival a Human Rights Campaign fundraiser speech. The emotional stakes soar. There’s crying in the club. A Lana Del Rey song plays in the background. Gay panic ensues.

Their friends intervene, armed with advice sourced from Autostraddle and too many margaritas. “Just tell them how you feel!” someone screams over a remix of “Padam Padam.” And eventually, Alex does. Not in a text, not in a meme — but in person, during karaoke night, by dedicating “Call Me Maybe.” It’s cringe. It’s romantic. It’s painfully gay.

In the end, “No Hetero” becomes the phrase they use ironically — like when they hold hands in public or share a hoodie. It’s their inside joke, their love language, their reminder that queer love stories can be messy, hilarious, and beautifully unserious. As PinkNews put it, “It’s not hetero, it’s homo, it’s holy.” And honestly? That’s the vibe.

Because sometimes the greatest love stories aren’t about grand gestures — they’re about soft ones. Late-night Ubers, dumb inside jokes, shared fries, and the realization that “no hetero” was always a cover for “I love you, idiot.”

SOURCE: Bro, Is It Gay If We’re Both Crying? (Beth Newell)