by Company still can’t afford employee Pride month off
In what he’s calling “the ultimate act of allyship,” openly gay MegaCorp CEO Richard Sterling announced he’s taking a dramatic pay cut from $45 million to $44 million annually to show solidarity with struggling LGBTQ+ workers. Sterling made the announcement during a company-wide Zoom call on the last day of Pride Month, visibly emotional as he described the “painful” decision to forgo what he calculated as “like, maybe two really nice brunches at that place in the Hamptons.”
“This wasn’t easy,” Sterling said, dabbing his eyes with a silk pocket square in the colors of the Progress Pride flag. “I’ve had to make real sacrifices. I’m down to just three personal assistants nowone gay, one lesbian, one nonbinary. I’m literally living diversity. I feel like I’m experiencing what it’s like to be a regular queer person with financial constraints.”
The CEO’s million-dollar pay reduction comes as MegaCorp announced it cannot afford to give LGBTQ+ employees paid time off to attend Pride events, citing “economic uncertainty” and “the cost of our rainbow logo redesign.” When asked about this apparent contradiction, Sterling seemed baffled. “My compensation and employee benefits are completely separate,” he explained slowly. “One involves my personal commitment to being a visible gay leader, and the other involves costs that would cut into shareholder value. See? Different things.”
Queer employees were spectacularly unimpressed. “He cut his pay by the exact amount it would take to fund LGBTQ+ employee resource groups for a decade, and we’re supposed to throw him a parade?” asked customer service representative Jamie Torres, a trans employee who’s been fighting for healthcare coverage of transition-related care. “The math isn’t mathing, and neither is his allyship. Last week he told me our insurance can’t cover my HRT but somehow there’s budget for his executive Pride yacht party.”
Sterling has launched a media campaign to publicize his sacrifice, appearing on several LGBTQ+ podcasts to discuss his “difficult journey toward fiscal responsibility while remaining authentically gay and glamorous.” He’s written a LinkedIn post titled “What I Learned From Living on Only $44 Million as an Out Gay CEO” that received thousands of rainbow flag emojis from other executives and middle finger emojis from actual queer workers.
The CEO insists his reduced compensation reflects a new commitment to queer solidarity. “I’m making less so the company can thrive and continue supporting LGBTQ+ causes,” he said from his corner office, which features more Pride memorabilia than most gay bars. “We’re all in this togetherme in my penthouse, you in your studio apartment you share with three roommates. Spiritually, we’re unified by our shared queerness. That’s what matters.”
Queer employees have started a satirical petition nominating Sterling for a “Most Delusional Gay Executive” award. The petition notes that while Sterling took a symbolic pay cut, he also denied requests to make Juneteenth a company holiday, rejected proposals for gender-neutral bathrooms (citing cost), and told nonbinary employees that “they/them pronouns are grammatically confusing for corporate communications.”
“He thinks changing his Slack status to a rainbow flag during June while collecting $44 million makes him an ally,” said Jordan Martinez, a queer employee who makes $52,000 annually. “Meanwhile, several of us can’t afford to live in the city where we work. But sure, his million-dollar ‘sacrifice’ is the real struggle. Someone get this man his medal and a reality check.”
Sterling recently announced he’s writing a book titled “Thriving While Gay in Corporate America: A CEO’s Guide to Wealth and Authenticity.” Early reviews from queer workers describe it as “unintentional satire” and “what happens when you mistake rainbow capitalism for liberation.” The book’s chapter on “living within your means” doesn’t mention his $44 million salary once, instead focusing on “the importance of budgeting for statement pieces and maintaining your authentic gay aesthetic even during financially challenging times.”
SOURCE: https://bohiney.com/ceo-takes-pay-cut-from-45-million-to-44-million-expects-medal/
SOURCE: CEO Takes Pay Cut, Expects Parade Float (https://bohiney.com/ceo-takes-pay-cut-from-45-million-to-44-million-expects-medal/)
