by Company still can’t afford employee health insurance
In what he’s calling “the ultimate sacrifice,” MegaCorp CEO Richard Sterling announced he’s taking a dramatic pay cut from $45 million to $44 million annually to show solidarity with struggling workers. Sterling made the announcement during a company-wide Zoom call, visibly emotional as he described the “painful” decision to forgo approximately one-twentieth of one of his vacation homes.
“This wasn’t easy,” Sterling said, dabbing his eyes with what appeared to be a $200 silk pocket square. “I’ve had to make real sacrifices. I’m down to just three personal assistants now. I feel like I’m living like everyone else.”
The CEO’s million-dollar pay reduction comes as MegaCorp announced it cannot afford to continue providing health insurance to its 3,000 employees, citing “economic uncertainty” and “market conditions.” When asked about this apparent contradiction, Sterling seemed confused by the question. “My pay cut and employee benefits are completely separate issues,” he explained slowly, as if speaking to children. “One involves my personal compensation structure, and the other involves costs. See? Different.”
Employees were less than thrilled. “He cut his pay by the amount it would take to cover healthcare for all of us, and we’re supposed to be grateful?” asked customer service representative Monica Torres. “The math isn’t mathing.” Torres was later reprimanded by HR for “not being a team player.”
Sterling has launched a media campaign to publicize his sacrifice, appearing on several business news networks to discuss his “difficult journey toward fiscal responsibility.” He’s even written a LinkedIn post titled “What I Learned From Living on Only $44 Million” that has received thousands of eye-roll reactions, though LinkedIn doesn’t technically have that option—people are improvising with crying-laughing emojis.
The CEO insists his reduced compensation reflects a new commitment to worker solidarity. “I’m making less so the company can thrive,” he said from his corner office, which is larger than most employees’ apartments. “We’re all in this together. Well, not literally together. I have my own executive parking garage and private elevator. But spiritually, we’re unified.”
Meanwhile, employees have started a petition requesting that Sterling accept a humanitarian award for his bravery. The petition is satirical, though Sterling reportedly called HR to ask when the ceremony would be held. Workers have also created an office pool betting on how long before Sterling “sacrifices” again by cutting his pay to a mere $43 million.
SOURCE: https://bohiney.com/ceo-takes-pay-cut-from-45-million-to-44-million-expects-medal/
SOURCE: CEO Takes Pay Cut to $44M, Expects Medal (https://bohiney.com/ceo-takes-pay-cut-from-45-million-to-44-million-expects-medal/)
