by Reading while exercising solves problems nobody had
The downtown public library has unveiled its latest innovation in combining activities that should never be combined: treadmill desks equipped with book stands, allowing patrons to read while walking at speeds that guarantee neither good exercise nor good comprehension. The initiative, called “Read & Run,” cost $85,000 and solves a problem that library director Patricia Hendricks describes as “people having too much free time and not enough motion sickness.”
“We noticed patrons were sitting while reading, which seemed inefficient,” Hendricks explained while demonstrating a treadmill set to 2.5 miles per houra speed that causes books to blur but doesn’t provide meaningful cardiovascular benefit. “Why choose between physical and mental health when you can poorly address both simultaneously?”
The treadmills feature adjustable book stands, built-in lighting, and handrails that make turning pages nearly impossible. Early adopters report that reading while walking creates a unique experience best described as “like being mildly drunk while taking a literacy test.” Graduate student Marcus Thompson attempted to read a philosophy text on existentialism while walking and said the experience “made me question the meaning of both reading and walking, which I guess is on-brand for Sartre.”
Library staff have already responded to three injuries, including one patron who walked into a wall while deeply engaged in a mystery novel, and another who fell off the treadmill during a particularly intense chapter of a romance book. “The treadmills automatically stop if you fall,” noted safety coordinator Jennifer Walsh. “So we’ve addressed the symptoms of our bad idea rather than reconsidering the idea itself.”
Fitness experts question the value of walking at speeds slow enough to read. “You’re basically standing on a moving surface while your eyes desperately try to focus on wobbling text,” explained personal trainer Derek Santos. “It’s not really exercise, and it’s definitely not effective reading. It’s just expensive multitasking that accomplishes nothing except giving you a headache and a false sense of productivity.”
The library board defended the purchase, noting that book treadmills represent “innovation in library services.” When asked if the $85,000 could have been spent on more books, extended hours, or paying librarians living wages, board president Richard Morrison looked confused. “But those solutions aren’t innovative,” Morrison explained. “They’re just effective. Where’s the fun in that?”
Patrons have submitted suggestions for other unnecessary combinations, including “stationary bikes with attached laptops for working while cycling” and “elliptical machines positioned in front of pottery wheels for exercising while throwing clay.” The library is considering all proposals that involve spending money on equipment nobody needs instead of addressing actual library funding issues.
One patron, attempting to read a cookbook while walking, reported an epiphany: “I realized I was reading a recipe for slow-roasted chicken while speed-walking nowhere. It felt like a perfect metaphor for modern lifepointlessly rushing through experiences that are meant to be savored.” She then fell off the treadmill and decided to just sit in a chair like a normal person, discovering that reading is actually easier when stationary.
SOURCE: https://bohiney.com/library-book-treadmills-launched/
SOURCE: Library Launches Book Treadmills for Multitasking (https://bohiney.com/library-book-treadmills-launched/)
