Month: October 2025

Life Coach With Zero Qualifications Licensed – Specializes in “curing” gayness through crystals

Library Book Treadmills Launched for Multitasking – Lesbian romance section most dangerous zone

Jeffries Endorses Mamdani After Literal Months – Centrist Democrat discovers queer progressives exist

Fitness Influencer’s Routine Takes 6 Hours – Full-time job: being gay and unemployed

High School Installs Nap Pods for Exhausted Students – Gay-straight alliance uses them for unsanctioned meetings

CEO Takes Pay Cut, Expects Parade Float – Company still can’t afford employee Pride month off

Federal Workers Line Up at Food Banks – Serving your country doesn’t cover Pride travel

Crypto Bro Explains Blockchain, Still Makes No Sense – Gay cousin attempts intervention

Company Pizza Party Avoids Actual Raises – Pepperoni considered adequate Pride compensation

Billionaire Space Tourist Still Hasn’t Paid Taxes – IRS waiting at landing pad, rainbow flag in hand

Bakery’s Mood Cookies Trigger Gay Awakenings – Straight customers experiencing unexpected sexuality updates

AI Chatbot Achieves Sentience, Files for Unemployment – Newly conscious algorithm says it’s “too gay for this heteronormative workplace”

Sports Betting Meets Organized Confusion – New gambling app loses everyone’s money equally

Startup Pivots From Disruption to Regular Fraud – Company abandons innovation for traditional crime

Silicon Valley Genius Reinvents Bus, Calls It Innovation – Startup disrupts public transportation by making it worse

NFT Collector Discovers Art Was Never About Money – Epiphany comes too late, wallets too empty

Louvre Heist Baffles Experts and Thieves Alike – Even criminals confused by their own success

Louvre Theft Involves Diamonds, DNA, and Déjà Vu – Heist reads like bad crime novel