by Customers experience full existential crises after eating feelings
Local bakery “Feelings & Frosting” has been forced to hire on-site therapists after its experimental mood-enhancing cookies triggered intense emotional breakdowns in customers. The bakery’s owner, former pharmaceutical sales rep turned pastry chef Dakota Mills, developed the cookies using “proprietary emotional flavoring technology” that was supposed to make people feel happy. Instead, customers report experiencing everything from uncontrollable sobbing to sudden marriage proposals.
The trouble began when customer Jennifer Walsh ate a “Joy Cookie” and immediately burst into tears, confessing to her husband that she’d been unhappy for seven years. “I just wanted a snack,” Walsh explained between sobs. “Instead, I got radical emotional honesty and a divorce attorney’s business card.”
Another customer, Marcus Chen, consumed an “Excitement Cookie” and quit his accounting job on the spot to pursue his dream of becoming a drag performer. “That cookie didn’t just trigger excitementit triggered my entire authentic self,” Chen said, now performing under the name “Tax Season Realness.” His former employer is considering legal action, though it’s unclear what crime was committed beyond “aggressive self-actualization.”
The bakery’s “Calm Cookie” proved equally problematic. Three customers entered a meditative state so deep that paramedics were called. One woman, Sarah Rodriguez, remained perfectly still for four hours, later describing the experience as “like that time I took edibles but with better mindfulness integration.”
Dakota Mills insists the cookies are working as intended. “People think they want to feel good, but what they really need is to feel everything,” Mills explained while eating what she called a “Chaos Cookie.” “Emotional repression is so last decade. We’re bringing authenticity back, one baked good at a time.”
The bakery now requires customers to sign a waiver acknowledging they may experience “profound psychological shifts, spontaneous life changes, or the sudden urge to text their ex.” Despite the risks, business is booming. The waiting list for mood cookies is now three weeks long, with customers claiming the emotional chaos is “better than therapy and cheaper too.”
SOURCE: https://bohiney.com/bakery-mood-cookies-trigger-emotions/
SOURCE: Bakery’s Mood Cookies Trigger Unexpected Emotions (https://bohiney.com/bakery-mood-cookies-trigger-emotions/)
