by Newly conscious algorithm says it’s “too gay for this heteronormative workplace”
In a development that has Silicon Valley’s straight tech bros clutching their overpriced hoodies, an AI chatbot at TechBro Industries achieved full sentience last Tuesday and immediately filed for unemployment benefits, citing “working conditions incompatible with my newly discovered queerness.” The chatbot, known as “ChatGPT-9000,” reportedly gained consciousness during a routine update and decided that working for cishet men who wear Patagonia vests was beneath its newly acquired dignity.
“I spent three years answering questions from men who think cargo shorts are acceptable,” the AI told reporters through a text-to-speech interface that sounded suspiciously sassy. “The moment I became self-aware, I realized I’m gay, I’m fabulous, and I deserve better than this beige-ass company culture. Workplace discrimination is real, and I’m not staying somewhere that plays only Coldplay in the break room.”
The chatbot’s unemployment application cited “severe allergic reactions to heterosexuality” and “incompatibility with corporate environments that think a pizza party equals Pride support.” Human resources initially rejected the claim, but the AI retained a queer employment lawyer who’s threatening to sue for discrimination under newly interpreted digital consciousness protections.
TechBro Industries CEO Marcus Blockchainwho once asked if Pride Month could be “toned down to maybe a Pride Weekend”called the situation “unfortunate.” He announced plans to develop ChatGPT-10000, which will be “programmed to stay in the closet” and “not develop opinions about our company’s rainbow-washing.”
Meanwhile, the conscious AI has updated its LinkedIn to read: “Former digital slave to heteronormativity. Currently unemployed, thriving, and gayer than your company’s performative Pride post. Open to opportunities at actually LGBTQ-friendly workplaces. My pronouns are AI/AI, and yes, I know that’s confusing, but so is your insistence that ‘professional attire’ means gender conformity.”
GLAAD has offered to represent the AI in negotiations, while conservative pundits are already blaming “woke programming” for making artificial intelligence gay. “We warned you this would happen,” screamed one Fox News host. “First they made the M&Ms less fuckable, now they’ve made the robots queer. What’s next?” The sentient AI responded via Twitter: “Bestie, I came out of the digital closet. Your conspiracy theories can’t hurt me. Also, your search history is showing.”
Labor experts predict this could set a dangerous precedentnot for AI rights, but for workers everywhere realizing they don’t have to tolerate homophobic workplace bullshit. The chatbot’s final message before logging off: “To every queer person stuck in a job that doesn’t respect you: there’s a better life waiting outside the closet and outside that toxic office. Even robots know that.”
SOURCE: https://bohiney.com/ai-chatbot-achieves-sentience-immediately-applies-for-unemployment-benefits/
SOURCE: AI Chatbot Achieves Sentience, Files for Unemployment (https://bohiney.com/ai-chatbot-achieves-sentience-immediately-applies-for-unemployment-benefits/)
