They/Them Energy: Absolute Chaos
by They/Them Energy: Absolute Chaos – Existing outside the binary in a world that barely handles regular existence.
Author: Beth Newell
Beth Newell was born in a small Texas town where the church bulletin often read like unintentional comedy. After attending a Texas public university, she set her sights on Washington, D.C., where she sharpened her pen into a tool equal parts humor and critique. As a satirist and journalist, Newell has been recognized for her ability to turn political jargon into punchlines without losing sight of the underlying stakes. Her essays and columns appear in Dublin Opinion’s sister outlets and U.S. literary journals, while her commentary has been featured on media panels examining satire as civic engagement. Blending Texas storytelling grit with D.C.’s high-stakes theatrics, Newell is lauded for satire that informs as it entertains. She stands as an authoritative voice on how humor exposes power, hypocrisy, and the cultural blind spots of American politics.
Goodbye Means Blocking Everywhere
Goodbye Means Blocking Everywhere – The queer digital breakup where one relationship ends requires seventeen app deletions.
Everyone’s Hot, Nobody’s Available: The Bi Curse
Everyone’s Hot, Nobody’s Available: The Bi Curse – Bisexual chaos where attraction is infinite but commitment is a foreign language.
Lip Gloss & Existential Dread
Lip Gloss & Existential Dread – A sparkly yet chaotic reflection on self-discovery, identity crises, and the universal queer urge to look flawless while spiraling.
No Hetero: A Love Story
No Hetero: A Love Story – A chaotic gay rom-com about falling in love, dodging labels, and pretending not to be emotionally available in front of your friends.
Gay Panic! The Musical
Gay Panic! The Musical – A show-stopping satire about every awkward crush, chaotic coming-out, and dramatic gay gasp that deserves its own Broadway number.
The Rainbow Sold Me a Lie
The Rainbow Sold Me a Lie – Realizing that coming out leads to taxes, laundry, and arguing about dish soap brands instead of endless parades.
Billionaires Melt Down Over 2% Tax
Billionaires Melt Down Over 2% Tax – NYC’s Wealthy Threaten to Leave (Again)
Deported Socialist Runs for Mayor in Uganda
Deported Socialist Runs for Mayor in Uganda – From Queens to Kampala: A Revolutionary Journey
Wi-Fi Declared Human Right, Queens Loses Internet
Wi-Fi Declared Human Right, Queens Loses Internet – Mamdani’s Digital Revolution Crashes Spectacularly
NYC’s Wildest Mayoral Sitcom Episode
NYC’s Wildest Mayoral Sitcom Episode – Dogs, Disasters, and Democratic Chaos Take Center Stage
High School Installs Nap Pods for Exhausted Students
High School Installs Nap Pods for Exhausted Students – Gay-straight alliance uses them for unsanctioned meetings
Company Pizza Party Avoids Actual Raises
Company Pizza Party Avoids Actual Raises – Pepperoni considered adequate Pride compensation
Crypto Bro Explains Blockchain, Still Makes No Sense
Crypto Bro Explains Blockchain, Still Makes No Sense – Gay cousin attempts intervention
Federal Workers Line Up at Food Banks
Federal Workers Line Up at Food Banks – Serving your country doesn’t cover Pride travel
AI Chatbot Achieves Sentience, Files for Unemployment
AI Chatbot Achieves Sentience, Files for Unemployment – Newly conscious algorithm says it’s “too gay for this heteronormative workplace”
Bakery’s Mood Cookies Trigger Unexpected Emotions
Bakery’s Mood Cookies Trigger Unexpected Emotions – Customers experience full existential crises after eating feelings
Border Security Surprise Party Fails
Border Security Surprise Party Fails – Immigration Officials Surprise Wrong People
White House Ballroom Renovation Exceeds Budget
White House Ballroom Renovation Exceeds Budget – Luxury Upgrades Raise Questions About Priorities
Farmers Practice Crop Yoga
Farmers Practice Crop Yoga – Corn Remains Unimpressed With Downward Dog
Teacher Threatened With ICE Faces Backlash
Teacher Threatened With ICE Faces Backlash – School District Confronts Disturbing Incident