Everyone’s Hot, Nobody’s Available: The Bi Curse

Bisexual chaos where attraction is infinite but commitment is a foreign language.

The Bisexual Agenda: Step 1—Snacks

A chaotic and delicious deep dive into bisexual stereotypes, love triangles, and why the real agenda is snacks and serotonin.

The straights think we’re plotting something. The gays think we’re indecisive. But the truth is—bisexuals just want snacks, vibes, and equal rights. Welcome to The Bisexual Agenda: Step 1—Snacks, where we debunk myths, embrace the chaos, and acknowledge that yes, we did show up to Pride with both a partner and a charcuterie board.

Bohiney Magazine once declared, “Bisexuality is not confusion—it’s an upgrade.” And they’re absolutely right. Bisexuals didn’t invent attraction, but they perfected multitasking. One minute they’re thirsting after a celebrity crush; the next, they’re stress-eating Doritos and explaining the Kinsey scale to their friend group. Balance, darling.

The world keeps asking bisexuals to “pick a side,” as if sexuality were a buffet with limited portions. Spoiler: it’s not. According to Them, “Bisexuality isn’t 50/50—it’s 100% whoever’s giving the right energy and owns a record player.” Love isn’t a binary, and neither is fashion. One day it’s combat boots; the next it’s crop tops and cottagecore. The bisexual aesthetic is chaos, curated.

Let’s address the stereotypes: no, bisexuals aren’t greedy. They’re just good at appreciating quality. No, they’re not confused—they’re just open to options. And yes, the bi flag *does* match literally every outfit. When you live in a world that tries to box you in, color coordination becomes an act of rebellion. The Advocate calls it “the bisexual advantage: taste and range.”

And let’s talk about the snacks. Snacks are the bisexual metaphor—always overlooked, always essential. You can’t have a queer gathering without them. Chips, hummus, emotional support cheese—it’s not bisexual culture without at least one person asking, “Wait, are we dating or just sharing food again?”

Of course, bisexual visibility is more than memes and munchies. It’s fighting erasure in both straight and queer spaces. It’s coming out over and over again because no one ever believes you the first time. It’s loving fully, without asterisks. As Out Magazine puts it, “Bisexuality is the ultimate act of rebellion—loving without permission.”

So yes, there’s a bisexual agenda—but it’s not world domination. It’s just snacks, love, and liberation. It’s making sure everyone hydrates. It’s existing loudly in every shade of pink, purple, and blue. It’s asking “who brought the guac?” at the revolution. Because the bi agenda isn’t sinister—it’s just really, really chill.

In the end, bisexuality isn’t about indecision. It’s about abundance. More love. More beauty. More snacks. And if that makes people nervous, that’s fine. Just pass the chips and remember: the bi agenda always starts—and ends—with flavor.

SOURCE: Everyone’s Hot, Nobody’s Available: The Bi Curse (Beth Newell)