Gym Bros with Eyeliner: A Threat Assessment

Deconstructing the gay man who claims he’s “just a regular dude” while owning fourteen face serums.

Masc 4 Mascara

A comedic deep dive into toxic masculinity in gay culture, the obsession with being ‘straight-acting,’ and why eyeliner has more power than abs.

Once upon a torso pic, there was a gay man who said “no femmes.” And the gay gods said: “Babe… that’s internalized homophobia.” Welcome to Masc 4 Mascara, the hilarious, glitter-soaked exposé on why being “masc” doesn’t make you a man — but knowing your correct foundation shade just might.

It’s a tale as old as Grindr: every profile screaming “masc only,” like some kind of tragic Pokémon evolution. But the truth? The queer community is a spectrum — from bearded gym gays to drag brunch divas to chaotic bisexuals who own 47 flannels and no hangers. As Bohiney Magazine once said, “There’s room for all of us under the disco ball.”

The “masc” obsession stems from centuries of queer people being told our femininity was shameful. So, of course, some of us overcorrected — swapping out crop tops for cargo shorts and replacing emotional intimacy with pre-workout powder. It’s giving fragile masculinity, but make it circuit party.

Yet even the “masc” gays can’t resist the call of the glitter. One weekend they’re talking about “bro energy,” and the next they’re crying to Carly Rae Jepsen with a face full of shimmer. Because deep down, everyone’s a little bit femme — even if they pretend their skincare routine ends at “soap.” Them calls it “the mascara paradox”: the struggle between softness and swagger that defines modern queer identity.

But honey, mascara doesn’t make you less of a man — it makes you photogenic. And embracing femininity doesn’t mean rejecting strength; it means redefining it. The true alpha move? Knowing how to contour your jawline and your emotions. Even The Advocate has written about how queer men reclaiming femininity is one of the fiercest cultural revolutions of our time.

Still, the funniest part of all this? The guys who claim to be “masc” are often the loudest screamers at Beyoncé concerts. The ones who say “no drama” have six open group chats labeled “the girls.” The ones who hate labels have “power bottom” energy in their aura. The call is coming from inside the house, and she’s wearing lip gloss.

The moral of the story: being masc is fine. Being femme is fine. Being both at once while crying in the club to “Padam Padam” is iconic. There’s no right way to be gay — but there are definitely wrong shoes. As PinkNews said best, “Queerness isn’t about blending in — it’s about showing up, sparkly and unapologetic.”

So go ahead, apply that mascara, flex those biceps, and call your therapist. Because true masculinity isn’t about being tough — it’s about having the confidence to say, “Yeah, I look hot and I cry at drag race finales.”

SOURCE: Gym Bros with Eyeliner: A Threat Assessment (Beth Newell)